


I'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams...

by Odd_birds_and_booksellers



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Jo Wilson Karev - Freeform, jo karev - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:42:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28272567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_birds_and_booksellers/pseuds/Odd_birds_and_booksellers
Summary: Christmas eve with the Karevs.Season 16 rewrite from 16x09 on wards. TW; Major character death read at you own risk.
Relationships: Alex Karev & Jo Wilson, Alex Karev/Jo Wilson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	I'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams...

_**Are you happy?** _

_**If you died right now would you be happy?** _

_**Is this the life you want to live?** _

_**We spend so much time focusing on tomorrow, focusing on where we're heading and what the future holds.** _

_**But if tomorrow never comes are you happy?** _

_**Have you stopped and asked yourself if this is how you want your life to be?** _

_**If you go now will everyone you leave behind know how you feel?** _

_**Will she know how you feel?** _

_**Have you told her?** _

_**Have you told the person you love most in the world that you love them?** _

_**Have you told them enough times that they’ll remember it when you’re gone?** _

_**If you haven’t then say it now.** _

_**Tomorrow is not promised.** _

The twinkling Christmas lights are the first thing he sees when he wakes, lighting up the dark loft space, she must’ve forgotten to turn them off when she came in last night. 

This year had been the first time they’d properly decorated, he’d bought one crappy tree back when she was a resident, it had been a pretty pathetic attempt at a tree and they’d both been to busy to decorate, every year after they said they would decorate properly and never did, if they weren’t working on Christmas then they were usually at someone else’s for the holiday. This year something had changed, they were starting a new chapter, one in which they wanted to take the time to celebrate so Alex had lugged the tree into the loft as a surprise when he returned from visiting his mom. He’d been away longer than expected and he knew he’d had her worried when he’d stopped answering her calls. 

He still struggled to communicate his feeling, even now after all this time together it felt foreign to him, he'd been so wary to put any pressure on her when she was still recovering, the fear he could lose her weighing heavily on him when he'd decide to take care of his mother on his own, it hadn't really occurred to him that his way of protecting Jo left her fearing the worse.

But that was all behind them now, they were pushing forward and it felt like they were stronger than ever, finally on the same page. 

He feels the bed shift beside him, her hand reaching out as she absentmindedly turns the alarm on her phone to snooze, sinking back into the covers as she rolls over, throwing her leg over Alex, pressing her face into his neck, still so sleepy she hadn’t even noticed he was awake. 

Alex feels the corner of his lips turning up as she presses herself closer to him in her sleepy haze, he brings one arm up to rub her back as he lets the morning sun filter in, he'd miss her so much while he was away, more then he'd ever expected too, it had really hit him when she was away in that facility that he could survive without but he sure as hell never wanted to. She made his life better, brighter, she was his joy. 

It’s only a moment later when a second alarm rings out shaking her from her deep sleep, making her groan, her lips clumsily finding him as she rolls out of bed heading towards the shower without a second look. 

* * *

When Jo exits the shower a while later, the hot water managing to wake her up completely she’s surprised to find Alex sat around the kitchen island, he didn’t have to be at work early today, it was unlike him not to take any opportunity at lie in. 

She sighs as she comes closer recognising the papers that litter the table as he stares down at them, every day this week she’s come home to him analysing them, she wasn’t sure what was making the decision so hard for him, she knew what she’d prefer but she prepared to support whatever choice he made. 

“You just gonna keep staring at it? It's a good offer...a really good offer, better than you had before and now it's like half the job with Hayes.”

Alex sighs, dropping the contract from his hands as he turns towards her voice, pecking her lips lightly as she sits down beside him. “I liked my job before, I liked my responsibilities and running my unit the way I liked to.”

Jo nods, rubbing Alex’s back, a part of her felt like there was little more to it, maybe he wasn't ready for so much change at once but she hadn’t wanted to press him. “Okay well I’m sure Hayes isn’t gonna change everything...plus you hated all the paperwork.”

“No I didn't…” Alex shakes his head, his lips turning up at slightly as Jo smacks his arm and raises an eyebrow. “Okay I did...but I could handle it.”

“Sure…”

Jo shakes her head as leans over the table taking a sip of his coffee as she pours herself some cereal, going about their usual morning routine in silence. 

“Okay I’m gonna head to work, don’t forget to grab your suit from the dry cleaners for Catherine's Christmas eve party.” Jo hums pressing another kiss to his lips as she slips off the stool a while later, heading towards her bedside table where she’d left her phone. 

“That's tonight?” Alex groans as he drops his head to the table, he hated fancy parties and he knew his wife hated them just as much, she was wowed by the free food and booze until she tasted some fish crap and her shoes hurt, and then all she wanted was to sneak away with him, they almost always end up agreeing it would’ve been better to stay home. 

“Yeah typically Christmas eve parties happen on Christmas eve...of course it's tonight and before you start we are going because I’m craving that fancy chocolate thing they had last year.” Jo smiles shrugging on her coat at him. 

Alex just nods, there’s really no fighting Jo when it comes to food. “Fine...love you.”

“I love you too...see you later.” She calls out from the opposite of the side of the loft as she pulls the door back, he only catches a glimpse of her smiling face as she disappears out of sight.

**_Close your eyes and count to ten. Maybe loves the only answer._ **

It’s cold when he finally makes it out of Pac North later that day, the snow coming down heavily as he pulls onto the familiar street, it’s only gonna take a second to run in and grab his suit, he makes a dash for it. He's so lost in his own world he almost doesn't hear the tires screeching as a car comes speeding around the corner, skidding across the icy roads before Alex even has a chance to react. 

It all goes black for a moment. 

And then he’s there’s lying in the ice-cold sludge, he’s there but he can’t move. He keeps telling himself to get up, he can hear the people around screaming for someone to call 911 and he wants to tell them he’s fine, that he’s late to meet his wife and he just needs to get up but he can’t. 

He lets out several shaky breaths, just watching as his breath fans out around him in the icy weather. Everything seems to fall into slow motion for a moment, all he can do is watch the way his breaths appear before him like tiny clouds of smoke disappearing as quickly as they come. 

Looking down he sees the blood that has begun to seep out into the snow, the dark red a stark difference to the fresh snow falling around him. He can feel his hands tremble as he brings them up to his body, noting they too are covered in the deep red that runs the street as he clutches at his chest, vaguely tracing the cut glass penetrating the skin as he does. He curses as he feels his eyelids drop, every movement feeling heavier as he sees his phone laid out beside him, the photo of her and his mom from her visit last year still visible under the cracked glass.

It takes all the strength in him to reach out for it, dialling her number like he had so many times before. 

…

…

…

**_“Hello, you’ve reached Dr Jo Karev...I’m not able to get the phone at the....ah Alex stop.”_ **

“...Alex stop.” Jo hissed squirming out of his grip at the end of the bed, laughing as she feels Alex’s cool hands slip up her/his T-shirt. 

“Mhmm Jo Karev...that sounds so good.” He laughs pulling her back down towards the bed, making her squeal she rolls them over so he’s hovering above her. The sparkle in her in eyes filling him with the kind of happiness he never expected to feel as he swoops down his lips finding their home against hers. 

“I think so too...but now I have to re-record my voicemail” Jo mumbles against his lips, the phone in her hand long forgotten as Alex turns his attention to her neck. Jo had been trying to change her voicemail for two weeks but it seemed every time she did she’d get distracted. 

Alex chuckles, his laugh vibrating against her skin as he helps rid her of his shirt. “I think it could wait....”

“Oh yeah, it can wait.” Jo agrees, nodding seriously as she grabs hold of his face pulling him back down to her, both their laughter ringing out across the loft, the voicemail completely forgotten about.

* * *

The phone slips out of his grip as her voicemail ends and he doesn't have the strength to try and lift it again, instead, he falls deeper into the cold of the snow as he lets the memory of her laugh fill him with warmth.

He’s trying to hold on, for her, for them. It’s not fair he’s not ready to go. 

“I don’t wanna go.” He’s not sure who he’s talking to as he mumbles the words. Not now...they just got here, everything was finally falling into place. They’re okay, they’re finally okay, life is good, it’s hard but it’s so worth it, and they have this whole future, this whole life to live and he can feel it slipping away from him with every ragged breath. 

He can feel the warmth leaving his body, his vision blurring as the deep red runs through the snow and it makes him think of the deep red dress she’s bought specifically for tonight. 

He can picture her standing outside in the cold waiting for him to arrive. 

She’s waiting for him. He can feel the icy cold tears drip down his face, the realisation he’s not going to be there sinking into his bones as he tries to reach for the phone discarded by his side. 

Each breath is getting harder and Alex finds himself begging to a God he never believed in for another minute. Just one more second, one more day. One more day with her...please. 

He didn’t know it was his last day. He didn’t know, he didn’t look at her when he’d mumbled I love you this morning, he hadn’t savoured the feel of her lips as she slipped away from him in the kitchen, he hadn't memorised every inch of her skin when she’d curled up beside him in bed. 

He can hear his own cries for help as the piercing screams of sirens sound in the distance.

“My wife...Jo.” The words splutter from his lips as the bystanders around try and help. He feels the warm hand of a stranger against his arm and for a moment he can feel Jo’s skin against his, the way her hand finds his in the car, the way her cold feet rest in his shins in bed, her lips pressed to his. 

He can feel his world get colder, the bright white snow around him seemingly slipping away into the darkness as he lays there. 

He’s not ready. His story isn’t over, their story isn’t over. They had plans, they had dreams, they had a future and this...this was like ripping out chapters of a book when it was just getting good. 

He’s scared,

He's alone and he's scared to die. He’s sure everyone is scared to go in the end but he’s seen so many people die in his life and he always wondered how it would feel, he wondered if his life would flash before his eyes if he’d have to relive all that pain in his last moments but none of that’s true, as everything fades to black it’s just her smiling face on a ferry boat in June.

That’s what he sees, the way the sun-kissed her skin and the wind flowed through her hair, how her eyes sparkled and her hands gripped him tightly. That’s all he sees...her and then a tiny flash of the tiny photo pinned to the fridge. 

The next chapter that he won’t make it for. 

His eyes close for the last time, the breath that was fanning out around him disappearing for the last time and he can hear her voice pulling him in as he takes his last breath letting the world go round without him. 

* * *

“Karev you okay?” Richard narrows his eyes on Jo as she pushes past him heading out of the doors as the overwhelming need to vomit takes over. She can’t explain the feeling inside of her as she stumbles out of the party down the cold marble steps leading to the car park.

Somethings wrong...she knows for sure something is wrong as she clutches her stomach tightly. It’s like her heart is being ripped straight out of her chest leaving a gaping hole there and she can’t explain why it hurts so bad as she leans against the brick wall desperately trying to catch her breath. 

“Jo...Jo are you alright?” She hears the sound of Meredith's heels hitting the floor before she bursts out of the door behind her, instantly spotting Jo leaning against the wall. 

“No...I can’t...I feel like I can’t breathe.” Jo shakes her head clutching at her chest, she regrets wearing this stupid dress, it instantly feels to tight as she tries to steady her breathing. “Something is wrong.” 

Meredith frowns as she takes a step closer pressing a hand to Jo’s back as she begins to dry retching. “It’s probably just morning sickness...just take deep breaths.” 

Jo nods, shifting her dress up so it’s not as tight against her tiny but growing bump. 

“Is Alex coming?” Meredith asks looking around the car park at the few people gathered outside, she hadn’t seen him yet, she wasn’t even sure if he’d said he was coming he hadn’t replied to her text earlier.

“Yeah yeah he’s on his way.” Jo nods finally catching her breath, she flashes Meredith a grateful smile as she takes a seat beside her on the entrance steps. If this was morning sickness then Jo couldn’t wait until this 1st trimester was over.

She still can't shake the pain in her chest, it’s only when her phone rings. his sleeping face flashing on the screen that she relaxes, that sickly feeling diapering for just a second, the last second everything’s okay before the phone slips from her hand, glass shattering across the marble steps as Jo drops to the floor, the scream that emits from her lips pulling everyone from their joyous conversations, her hand instantly reaching out for the faint bump he’d been running his hands over this morning. 

**Author's Note:**

> What's Christmas without a little angst? I actually think this isn't anywhere near as sad as Superman so no one can be that mad plus this could've been such a good ending for Alex Karev.
> 
> Anyway I hope everyone enjoying the festive period, let me know what you think. I would say I'm sorry it's late but I say that too often. I may or may not have some festive kit kat content schedule to go up Christmas day...so keep your eye peeled.


End file.
